Friday, July 30, 2004
Passing Out Parade..
yups. today is the mjr inter UG POP. hmm. nth much though. took alot of photos in full u. erh. She was one of the emcee worx. hmm. hee. looking at her i so happy le. dunno y. bud now no use le. everything look lyk change le. i happy for sumthin tt ain't real. haix. i really dunno wad to say manx. so sad. looks lyk ignoring me. or izzit rrly bz. wad i tot was going to happen seems so so far away. haix. how ne. haix. rrly rrly ain't in the mood. y can't it be kept consistent. haix. i rrly dunno. hope you can tell me soon abt sumthing on this. miss you alot. haix. when can we be together? i juz dunno. (;_;)(") nth seems to be going right since the start of block test. rrly saddening. maybe the onli thin i can cheer abt maybe my maths. nth much though. haix. *wish*
The Memories - Part 3
Kesper decided to fight against this love. Not to win Flouca's love, but to love her without she knowing. Just care and stand by her everytime she needs it. One day, he SMS Flouca, telling her he did not love her anymore. It took great thinking before he is willing to make that message. He just wanted to bluff Flouca into thinking that he doesn't love her anymore so as to care for her as a friend. But, what the future lies made him somehow regreted his decision. The situation remains the same. The only difference is that Kesper took up this role for months, everyday his heart hurts more and more. Looking at how much the other people get so well along with her, he feel so inferior, so disappointed with himself. "Why can other people achieve that stage, yet i cannot?" this line keep floating through his mind lyk a lullaby. Jealousy build up in him when he heard other guys are chasing her. Kesper was really very very sad. Nothing could have described the torturous feeling he had. Kesper would be feeling restless, and tired throughout the whole day, his mind just thinking of Flouca.
Second year in high school just came and went, though Flouca did tell Kesper some of her inner secrets, nothing could be as welcoming as a chalet night. Third year at high school will be very tough. A chalet organised will help him as Kesper thought. This time, he was going to make a difference. He wasn't going to lie low. He wants to confess his feelings openly! And so he waited and waited. Finally the chalet was here. Kesper already had a plan and skeleton of what he wanted to say. He just hope he dindn't get the cold feet at the last moment.
It was a windy night, the whole class was at the beach waiting for the sun rise. Early it maybe, no one felt tired. The class was in the chalet playing all types of game. It was then Flouca came to Kesper and talk to him. For the whole night, they had fun. Kesper could feel his heart thumping twice as fast. No one could have achieved this except the only girl he loved - Flouca. Nearing 2am, the class decided to go for a night walk. Kesper walked beside Flouca. A rampaging thought went through him. He wanted to hold her hand. It was just there. A schoolboy normal reaction was to hold her hand and never let it go. "Don't all love start from sweet things?" as a voice at the back of his head told him. "Yes! I'm gonna do it!" he told himself. AS he reached out to grab the tiny hand of Flouca, they reached their destination. Why did heaven want to play such a trick on him at that most important moment. Fate is really not there as he looked down, deep in thought. Yet Kesper did not want to give up. This time Flouca was alone, at the shoreline of the beach. He mustered his courage and with a wobble of his feet, he walked towards the stunning Flouca. Her hair was floating as if an imaginary wind was there. Even if Kesper was a thousand miles away, a mirage by Flouca can make his heart melt. As he approached, he said "Flouca, there's something i wanna tell you. I...." Sooner tahn he knew it, Flouca ran away. He felt a cold shear throught the skin of his. Flouca didn't want to hear, she wasn't even in the least of concerned. She didn't want to spoil the relationship of kesper and her. Kesper was left standing there alone for yet again. Blanked mind, troubled soul, despair and disappointment he turned back again. This time, it was him who did not give the return glance. Nothing could have describe his feelings. Why did he want to make this move? A move he knew that wasn't going to succeed. All he knew was that no matter what happens, he will always have Flouca in her heart forever and ever...
Things ain't going as smoothly as he could think of. In the third year, Kesper made a horrible mistake. He thought he could forget about her by trying to go for other girls. So, he tried to get her off her mind. He deleted her messages from his phone, avoided her and thus finding another girl. It all seems well as he fell in love with another girl. But it ain't that long before he broke up. And it was then when once again he met her one day in school. almost 7 months without contacting, the very sight of her still made him excited. He was open-mouthed when Flouca stroll past him. Then a sudden realisation came through him. No matter how far the distance, no matter how much i try, i can never forget my first love, Flouca. In the end, the true person i really still love is her. Nothing can snatch her away from his heart. Kesper was lost in his thoughts. After a long pause, he decided, of all the choices i made, i regreted not continuing to love her. HE had made a big mistake that he could not forgive himself. Yet to him, one thing is for sure, he is going to win FLouca heart's once again and this time, he ain't going to be a tortoise!
to be continued........
Lost and Sad: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 8:34 PM
