Saturday, July 31, 2004
i the saddest here le. ._.
what can i do now? its all so obvious. y couldn't i get it all right? it was all from the start. maybe the start there is some. budden tink i cannot play with fire. it does hurt sometimes. not sometimes. maybe i dinda hav dis type of feelings before so i dunno how to handle. it slyk i'm juz lost. i rrly love her. bud wad can i do? haix. dun feel lyk writing the story today. sorry. maybe tml. byebye.
even when the sky turns green, the sea turns yellow, the land turns rainbow, i will still love you. i'll hang in there waiting juz for the one day u say u love me too.
How Can I Not Love You ~ Joy Enriquez
Cannot Touch, Cannot Hold
Cannot Be Together
Cannot Love, Cannot Kiss
Cannot Have Each Other
Must Be Strong
And We Must Let Go
Cannot Say What Our Hearts Must Know
{Chorus}
How Can I Not Love You
What Do I Tell My Heart
When Do I Not Want You Here In My Arms
How Does One Waltz Away From All Of The Memories
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone
Cannot Dream
Cannot Share Sweet And Tender Moments
Cannot Feel How We Feel
Must Pretend Its over
Must Be Brave
And We Must Go On
Must Not Say What We've Known All Along
{Chorus}
How Can I Not Love You
What Do I Tell My Heart
When Do I Not Want You Here In My Arms
How Does One Waltz Away From All Of The Memories
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone
How Can I Not Love You
Must Be Brave
And We Must Be Strong
Cannot Say What We've Known All Along
{Chorus}
How Can I Not Love You
What Do I Tell My Heart
When Do I Not Want You Here In My Arms
How Does One Waltz Away From All Of The Memories
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone
How Can I Not Love You When You Are Gone
Sad and Lost: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 8:42 PM
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Friday, July 30, 2004
Passing Out Parade..
yups. today is the mjr inter UG POP. hmm. nth much though. took alot of photos in full u. erh. She was one of the emcee worx. hmm. hee. looking at her i so happy le. dunno y. bud now no use le. everything look lyk change le. i happy for sumthin tt ain't real. haix. i really dunno wad to say manx. so sad. looks lyk ignoring me. or izzit rrly bz. wad i tot was going to happen seems so so far away. haix. how ne. haix. rrly rrly ain't in the mood. y can't it be kept consistent. haix. i rrly dunno. hope you can tell me soon abt sumthing on this. miss you alot. haix. when can we be together? i juz dunno. (;_;)(") nth seems to be going right since the start of block test. rrly saddening. maybe the onli thin i can cheer abt maybe my maths. nth much though. haix. *wish*
The Memories - Part 3
Kesper decided to fight against this love. Not to win Flouca's love, but to love her without she knowing. Just care and stand by her everytime she needs it. One day, he SMS Flouca, telling her he did not love her anymore. It took great thinking before he is willing to make that message. He just wanted to bluff Flouca into thinking that he doesn't love her anymore so as to care for her as a friend. But, what the future lies made him somehow regreted his decision. The situation remains the same. The only difference is that Kesper took up this role for months, everyday his heart hurts more and more. Looking at how much the other people get so well along with her, he feel so inferior, so disappointed with himself. "Why can other people achieve that stage, yet i cannot?" this line keep floating through his mind lyk a lullaby. Jealousy build up in him when he heard other guys are chasing her. Kesper was really very very sad. Nothing could have described the torturous feeling he had. Kesper would be feeling restless, and tired throughout the whole day, his mind just thinking of Flouca.
Second year in high school just came and went, though Flouca did tell Kesper some of her inner secrets, nothing could be as welcoming as a chalet night. Third year at high school will be very tough. A chalet organised will help him as Kesper thought. This time, he was going to make a difference. He wasn't going to lie low. He wants to confess his feelings openly! And so he waited and waited. Finally the chalet was here. Kesper already had a plan and skeleton of what he wanted to say. He just hope he dindn't get the cold feet at the last moment.
It was a windy night, the whole class was at the beach waiting for the sun rise. Early it maybe, no one felt tired. The class was in the chalet playing all types of game. It was then Flouca came to Kesper and talk to him. For the whole night, they had fun. Kesper could feel his heart thumping twice as fast. No one could have achieved this except the only girl he loved - Flouca. Nearing 2am, the class decided to go for a night walk. Kesper walked beside Flouca. A rampaging thought went through him. He wanted to hold her hand. It was just there. A schoolboy normal reaction was to hold her hand and never let it go. "Don't all love start from sweet things?" as a voice at the back of his head told him. "Yes! I'm gonna do it!" he told himself. AS he reached out to grab the tiny hand of Flouca, they reached their destination. Why did heaven want to play such a trick on him at that most important moment. Fate is really not there as he looked down, deep in thought. Yet Kesper did not want to give up. This time Flouca was alone, at the shoreline of the beach. He mustered his courage and with a wobble of his feet, he walked towards the stunning Flouca. Her hair was floating as if an imaginary wind was there. Even if Kesper was a thousand miles away, a mirage by Flouca can make his heart melt. As he approached, he said "Flouca, there's something i wanna tell you. I...." Sooner tahn he knew it, Flouca ran away. He felt a cold shear throught the skin of his. Flouca didn't want to hear, she wasn't even in the least of concerned. She didn't want to spoil the relationship of kesper and her. Kesper was left standing there alone for yet again. Blanked mind, troubled soul, despair and disappointment he turned back again. This time, it was him who did not give the return glance. Nothing could have describe his feelings. Why did he want to make this move? A move he knew that wasn't going to succeed. All he knew was that no matter what happens, he will always have Flouca in her heart forever and ever...
Things ain't going as smoothly as he could think of. In the third year, Kesper made a horrible mistake. He thought he could forget about her by trying to go for other girls. So, he tried to get her off her mind. He deleted her messages from his phone, avoided her and thus finding another girl. It all seems well as he fell in love with another girl. But it ain't that long before he broke up. And it was then when once again he met her one day in school. almost 7 months without contacting, the very sight of her still made him excited. He was open-mouthed when Flouca stroll past him. Then a sudden realisation came through him. No matter how far the distance, no matter how much i try, i can never forget my first love, Flouca. In the end, the true person i really still love is her. Nothing can snatch her away from his heart. Kesper was lost in his thoughts. After a long pause, he decided, of all the choices i made, i regreted not continuing to love her. HE had made a big mistake that he could not forgive himself. Yet to him, one thing is for sure, he is going to win FLouca heart's once again and this time, he ain't going to be a tortoise!
to be continued........
Lost and Sad: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 8:34 PM
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hmm. today nth much. oso dunno wad to blog. i jux control myself not to tink so much of you le. nid to concentrate on studies oso. haix. at bus stop, go home, no chance tok. haix. everytime liddat one. neways, i dunno is of jux courtesy or wad you say byebye to me even though he waws there. is it jux courtesy or izzit wad i thinking. i dunnno and i dun wanna noe. actually i do wanna noe. wad am i toking! ahx! tink i continue on my story then. lolx.
The Memories - Part 2
It was then Kesper realised the true meaning of love. It ain't about telling those precious three words but is to know that within a small corner in your heart, the person you love is always there, untouchable, unmovable. And so, Kesper walked away, still pondering over the magic of love. Courage indeed fail him again but at least he knew deep down in his heart, he loved Flouca deeply. Day by day, the power of love drained the life out of Kesper. Looking from afar each time, the bubbly look of Flouca can make his day happier. This time he was going to talk to her - at least be her best friend. And so with least effort, Kesper was one of Flouca's best friends. They chatted day and night through SMSes. Kesper went around asking about what Flouca like and dislike. He wanted to know everything about his little angel. Still not knowing about the secret love for her, Flouca thought that in no way can Kesper loved her so deeply. Finally one day, Kesper's feelings betrayed him. He plucked up his courage and told Flouca about his love for her. It was then he never heard from her again - Flouca had never took a liking for him. The feeling was again like a thousand prikers pearced right through his heart. Nothing could say how much he loved her. Nothing could say how much he cared. Yet in Flouca's heart there is another guy. Kesper did not know about it but even if he do, he could do nothing about it........
Everytime Kesper tried to talk to Flouca, there was no reply. He thought "why can't you even tell me that you do not even love me?" Weeks passed and Kesper did not get anything from Flouca. Through the night, only slow and romantic songs accompany him. He told no one about his pain. Yet one day, the very friend he told about his love betrayed him. Sooner than he know it, he was the laughing stock of the class. Nothing could have hurt him more. He knew he couldn't do anything about it. But if killing was made legal, at that precise moment, he felt like killing. Long as it may seems, Flouca broke the heart of Kesper a couple of time. Each time he heard the news of she liking another guy, he felt like dying. Kesper skimmed passed the doors of hell as he tried commited something stupid - suicide. He thought that only through ending of his life can solve everything. Only at the brink of death did he come out of his senses. Dying will only make him hurt more.....
to be continued........
Love and Missing: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 12:01 AM
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Wednesday, July 28, 2004
long long ago long ago..
it seems so so so far away. yest quarrelled with my parents. today oso. so no much mood. sorry ppl worx. haix. y muz i quarrel. i onli wan peace when i reach home nia. izzit too much to ask for. i noe its bad to be rude to my papa and mama. bud does it means even if there are unreasonable, i mux ren? haix. i dunno. not much things to write oso. today ah. average. played the NE quiz. v fun lehx. hahax. keep doin and doin. actually do 2 times nia. budden keep went around helping fren. stupid comp lab. onli a few can use. den later kana pull in go POP. went home later. dunno wad to say. i wan write story today. hahax. chillz on if ya have the time. mind me if i have eng mistakes. i veri lan in eng. jux feel lyk writing. hahax. kh bro one more pro. hahax. =p
The Memories - Part 1
Across the luxurious plains across thousands of miles, Kesper held the tiny palm of Flouca. This heavenly place held the memories of many romantic things. AS Kesper held Flouca in his arms, he spoke in a silent whisper, "I love you". Yes, indeed Kesper kept to his promise for the past 20 years. He meant what he said 20 years before when he knelt down on his knees. Flash back swept pass the two loving couple as the sun began to set to create a scenery that would take the breath of many.
25 years before, Kesper was a schoolboy. A fresh face, wore by a cool crew cut, Kesper was the ideal boy for most schoolgirls in his days. Proud he could be, Kesper hanged out with guys, mostly. Just not long through the first day of his highschool life, he couldn't help resisting when he meant a girl. Yes. Her name was Flouca. She sat juz a couple of sits beside her. During lesson time, he would still glances at her. Kesper just didn't know why he couldn't resist this. As time goes by, he felt an intensity like never before. He knew what to do. Kesper decided to confess to Flouca that he was in love with her at the first sight. So one day, grooming himself to what supposed was his best image, he went so school. He couldn't help grinning to himself that he noticed girls were looking at him - more than before. Smirking about his apperance, he went straight to the lockers to search for Flouca. This time with a fashionable, hip-hop appearance, Kesper found Flouca together with her groups of friends right outside the lecture room. SLowly and nervously, with beads of sweat trickling down the front of his shirt, he walked slowly to Flouca. Some instincts told him to stop, and so without knowing it, he stood tranfixed as the scene turned into a nightmare...
In fact, what really happened was that Flouca was actually already in love with another guy, Martin. Martin was much better than Kesper - that was what he think. At this very moment, Flouca gave the guy a present. What seems like a thousnads years, Kesper's heart gave a single jolt, before he knew what he had to do. It seems like Martin had accepted Flouca's love. Standing stationery at his point, Kesper was heart-broken. All he could do was to see the very girl he loved went with another guy. The feeling was unbearable. No one could understand his feeling then. How strong he may be, Kesper shed a single tear. Coming down his face, he said to himself,"this will be the only tear i'll shed for the one i love.." As time went by, Kesper couldn't feel jealous of what was happening. He told no one about his love story till one day he found a friend he thought he could trust. And so, he told his friend every single detail of the ordeal he went through. Kesper was a emotional guy. He was really sad but all he hoped is he had the courage to at least tell Flouca his feelings.....
to be continued........
Just outta mood: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 10:40 PM
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Monday, July 26, 2004
Suay? or gOoD? o.O
hmm. y blogger cannot read chinese words. stupid de. if not go so many songs to put up manx. hahax. i mean chinese songs. can't be using comp much later at nite. gonna study hard for my ss test tml. neways, i'm staying up tonite. erh. firstly, wanna tanka winston bro for burning 2 cds free for me! tanka! the songs are nice dude! love it! tanka lots again. hmm. yups. slept awhile in da morning. can't seems to concentrate. maybe mrs yong lesson if boring sure boring till die de. erh. nth much happened today. juz tt lessons pass so fast. hmm. she look so tired everyday. toppid pf say she crying juz becos she rubbed her eyes? erh. tts dumb. =p yups. nth much. juz so suay today. walked bhind her today after school. onli at the mrt den can alone. hmm. o.O she rrly seems so irritated. budden is tired lahx. erh. hope she's doin fine eh? hmm. yeah. gtg study ss le. byebye ppl. miss 1 person so much and tt is her.
ni zhi dao wo zai deng ni ma? wo hui ai ni yi bei zi de..
Concerned + Missing: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 5:43 PM
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Sunday, July 25, 2004
If only you remember..
yeos. juz lyk every boring sunday, today was no exception. yeah. as i told my darling. in abt 4 more days, its gonna be 3rd yr anniversary. anniversary for wad ne? not gonna say. =x juz dun tink good can le. erh. today morning go to tuition. finally tokday took the bus at the correct time. always missed it de. tuition taight relative velocity. veri luan sia tt topic. budden tink i nid practice more. die le. this week is block test le. hope i can do well. hmm. dunno wad to say lehx. ate tim sum for lunch. sista treat. nice nice. alamak. nid go eat le. byebye. haix. dunno y this few days no mood. got a hidden thingy here. if u ppl can find it. wahaha. siaosterism. erh. tok cocking here though. byebye. i rrly rrly miss her lots manx. if i sms her, bloggy, u tink she will reply mahx? i dunno. missing..
Missing and Missing: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 7:51 PM
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juz another day..
haix. time passes so fast. in 1 month time, i graduating le. sec 4 pass so fast de. so ish 4 yrs. 4 yrs in mjr abt to end le. alamak. nbm. though we keep say we dun lyk this school, bud somehow i feel sad abt leaving it. dunno y too. haix. nbm. today heard nth frm no one. i jux feel so tormented and torn apart. rrly dunno wad else can i do. hmm. sometimes i tink izzit jux for the fun so i noe? or izzit becos she wanna test me? ah. or she wanna concentrate on studies first. haix. y liddat de ne? i oso dunno. block test coming le and i juz study a lil. hmm. bud for her, for me, for my parents, i will study hard hard and go good good jc one. hahax. erh. i dunno. feel better toking to my darling in da morning. tanka for toking to me. erh. nth more to say le. byebye. love ya lots!
Tormented & torn: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 1:25 AM
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Friday, July 23, 2004
oh where canmy baby be.
hmm. today is school anniversary. alamak. go school for 3 periods nia. budden is waste time de of cos. hahax. bo liao lorx. after school saw her waalk up and down the staricase. hahax. she look so kawaii and piao liang with her fringe down. hahax. lyk so innocent liddat. neways after school go kallang mac eat eat and tok crap with da band ppl. hahax. den suan suan wei hwang go geylang east play soccer. haha. today no form. score abt 3 or 4 goals onli. sianx. bud nbm. gambatte me! -.- yups. den went tf hse to bathe b4 going to school. hmm. the whole anniversary was so sianx sia. cept when she dance. hahax. it was rrly nice. graceful, everything. wahha. seems lyk a pervert horx. hahax. after tt nth much. she said wanna go home so nb go eat together. erh. dunno lehx. jy say she actually is waiting de. budden cos. nbm. dun wanna say. dunno can xiang xing not oso. hahax. erh. dunno much lahx. jux tt is funnie. dunno lehx. this few days she nb reply me sms le. sadded. haix. bud nbm lahx. hmm. i still dunno. i jux noe i will love you more for each and everyday, cos your worth it. oh where can you be? i miss you so so so so so much! haix. =(
oh where canmy baby be.
hmm. today is school anniversary. alamak. go school for 3 periods nia. budden is waste time de of cos. hahax. bo liao lorx. after school saw her waalk up and down the staricase. hahax. she look so kawaii and piao liang with her fringe down. hahax. lyk so innocent liddat. neways after school go kallang mac eat eat and tok crap with da band ppl. hahax. den suan suan wei hwang go geylang east play soccer. haha. today no form. score abt 3 or 4 goals onli. sianx. bud nbm. gambatte me! -.- yups. den went tf hse to bathe b4 going to school. hmm. the whole anniversary was so sianx sia. cept when she dance. hahax. it was rrly nice. graceful, everything. wahha. seems lyk a pervert horx. hahax. after tt nth much. she said wanna go home so nb go eat together. erh. dunno lehx. jy say she actually is waiting de. budden cos. nbm. dun wanna say. dunno can xiang xing not oso. hahax. erh. dunno much lahx. jux tt is funnie. dunno lehx. this few days she nb reply me sms le. sadded. haix. bud nbm lahx. hmm. i still dunno. i jux noe i will love you more for each and everyday, cos your worth it. oh where can you be? i miss you so so so so so much! haix. =(
Last Kiss ~ Pearl Jam
Oh where, oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She's gone to heaven, so I've got to be good,
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
We were out on a date in my daddy's car,
we hadn't driven very far.
There in the road, straight ahead,
a car was stalled, the engine was dead.
I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right.
I'll never forget, the sound that night--
the screamin tires, the bustin glass,
the painful scream that I-- heard last.
Oh where, oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She's gone to heaven, so I've got to be good,
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
When I woke up, the rain was pourin down.
There were people standin all around.
Somethin warm runnin through my eyes,
but somehow I found my baby that night.
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said,
Hold me darlin just a little while.
I held her close, I kissed her--our last kiss.
I found the love that i knew i would miss
well now she's gone, even though I hold her tight
I lost my love, my life - that night.
Oh where, oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good,
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
mmmm..........
uhohhhhhhhhhhhh............
Missing Pain: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 11:01 PM
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Thursday, July 22, 2004
wee! fortune in misfortune!
yesh! finally! finally! wee~! so so so so happy today. though starting of school is crap. hahax. was quite sad after yesterday. budden its so happy after today. hahax. hmm. today actually raining in pe de. budden funnie thing is when our turn, no more rain le. lolx. even the ground dry? my god. wad a miracle sia. lolx. den after tt everything so bo liao. hahax. slacked in chinese. do some exercise no more le. d&t zai zai de. den 2 periods maths got the S.A thingy so no lesson. lolx. after school we all talked sex talk. lolx. not exactly sex. bud is talk abt horny wad will happen to gers and guys. lolx. so funnie. hmm. after tt no more le. went RC. dinda even manage to see hre. haix. budden its lyk finally fate arrives. i wan go out of school tt time, she appeared right in front of me! hahax. its juz lyk i found back da fate. hahax. so we went home together. her back hurts lyk heal sia. i can c. bud she put a brave front. hahax. hmm. talked alot along da way. laughed blah blah. shan't say much. wanna keep this day to myself. hee. i rrly wanna tell she actually i noe all le. budden y i can't say ne? or maybe its best if its after o's ne? hmm. *wonder hows ur back now* hahax. hmm. yeah. pei she wait for bus. hahax. keep say dowan sit down lahx. back pain still liddat. hahax. until buay tahan take change bus. hahax. hmm. rrly first time we talked so freely. budden still got abit paiseh lahx. hahax. overall, i can juz feel it. juz wanna say a big tanka! =) miss ya! =p
Happy + Happy: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 8:17 PM
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Wednesday, July 21, 2004
ThE onE, ThE oNly One..
if ya here, i'm gonna hug you so tite tt even the strongest magnet can't pull us part. if ya here, i'm gonna hold your hand and never let it go. y u ain't with me when i need you most? i miss you everytime of da day. yet y can't we hav some fate? i rrly juz can't figure this thing out. haix. today yet another stupid day. tot today will be the day we can walk to da bus stop together. bud fate played a trick yet on us. you go i nv c. haix. waited till around 6.45 for ya. bud you not there. so i went home. not knowing you left le. haix. nbm. i told myself tml tml ant tml till 3 weeks le. i can't lie to myself no more. i rrly wanna say i noe it. budden courage failed me. wth. i dunno. haix. neways, today your back hurts i can see. hope you take loads of care manx. dowan you to pain pain here and there. well, finished watching the chinese show. was quite lame lahx the ending. where did the $60 go ne? haix. yeps, after school did work in school to wait for her. budden in da end tis agian. haix. how ne? blame on me bahx, so sad manx. nbm. haix. hope for da better tml. ain't feeling good. pls dun disturb me tml. tanka. i hate my life. yet i love the times with you. ok. i sux. =x haix........
Sad + Unfated: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 10:12 PM
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Tuesday, July 20, 2004
nth's gonna change my love 4 ya..
time pass so fast sia. so fast 4 yrs le. dunno y this few days so emotional. hahax. feel lyk saying how i met u all these. lolx. hmm. ppl dowan see nbm de. hahax. its been 4 yrs lahx. hahax. budden ne, i made a mistake in the 3rd yr. a big mistake. maybe destiny brought me with another ger. budden now thinking back. if i did not gib up tt time, will i realise i love her more than words can say? i dunno. budden i juz feel tt wadeva actions we make change the future we're in. its rrly nice to see that she is treating me beta le. though i cannot say much, i juz feel tt way. 4 yrs bahx.
remember sec 1. i was damm jealous. when she and my classmate. hahax. budden tt time i was still innocent(innocent than b4 i guess. =x). so dinda do anything. dun even noe wad is wooing. so pure de me. hahax. sec 2. a veri funny year. the person jioing her now is the one who told her i lyk her? lolx. hahax. alot things in sec 2 lahx. it is around lyk 10 ppl chasing her? erh. maybe i exaerate lahx. hahax. neways, alot things happen. tt time rrly was the darkest hour. tanka for lay koon and all others who encouraged me. hahax. i nv forget u all. keke. den came sec3 when i made my mistake. i tot by giving chance will forget her. bud it turned otherwise. i broke finally and den after 2 or 3 weeks, i realise, the one tt i still think of and love of is still her manx. hahax. i juz couldn't stop it. so here it goes again. starting from scrape. actually tt time i heard alot of things lyk she nv lyk me or wad. i oso dunno. i jux noe i cannot make the smae mistake i make before. so i stick to it. i love her with all i hav. hahax. crappy eh me? lolx. nahx. i rrly wanna say all these. lolx. actually to conclude. wad i wan to say is, no matter is the past, present or even future, if there is a you, i will make an effort to keep you by my side. haix. unless if we rrly no chance. nbm. i'm getting mad. oh ya. if this few days i keep zhong se qing you, tell me kk? sorry ppl. =()
Tired and Thoughtful: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 11:11 PM
(0) comments
Monday, July 19, 2004
I want to tell ya i love you!
hmm. ok. can't tink of any title so put this. wahaha. okok. today i am mad. damm mad. in school lyk siao kia liddat. keep suddenly outta no where blah blah shout. hahax. den is lyk dunno y can oso shout. mad le me. hmm. hbm. today ah. hand still feel a lil pain. yest nite msg with her. hee. feel so nice manx. her way of replying msg horz, v cute de. lolx. dunno y will laugh. hahax. erh. mad le lahx me. bud tt doesn't mean anything though. hmm. wonder wad will happen when the 'paper' come ya? nbm. hmm. today ah. nth much. played alot in da science lab. master come spray me so i spray baq. den was lyk a mini water shooting fight. hahax. its so fun! mind me. i'm mad. hahax. neways, i was damm confused. saw her in da canteen with michelle mei, jas mei and a ger called shi min. lolx. dunno lehx. we toked there for awhile. waited for wei hwang and *ahem*. lolx. after a long drink we left. still wondering whether wan say byebye not. hahax. budden so many gers there no wan. lolx. hmm. so left le. outside school bought the ice cream. nice nice leh. hahax. saw her left in her fathers car. hmm. so at nite which is now asked her. nbm. i'm mad. screw me. screw my hands, screw those ppl hu tinks their well liked bud their juz hypocrips. esp tt fat teacher. i tot u changed. bud u still sux manx. toopid de you. haix. neways, i'm still missing you, i'm still loving you. if onli you told me yest. i'll gib you everything i have. actually ah, i alreadi gave you everything le. lolx! nitez ppl!
FeeLinG niCe and SwEet: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 8:11 PM
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Sunday, July 18, 2004
comp work pu-ssy
hmmm.. today rrly suxxy. dowan to blog de. so byebye. miss ya lots manx. tml can c u le. hee. tanka for everything. hee. and oh ya! my new mei mei is michelle! hee. ^.-
Weird Feeling: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 9:41 PM
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Saturday, July 17, 2004
Fate = destiny?
haix. here comes again. do ppl hu believe in fate lose out in relationship cos there's nth called fate? y do ppl meet each other when they not agreed ne? haix. alot of question to ask sia. love shld be shyness amoung two ppl or when they can tok freely to each other? if it is shyness. den will the jioing party stands a chance? dey can't tok with ease. or izzit aftr going stead den will tok with ease ne? or if it is toking freely. will it become too freely tt the most is frenz? i dunno. shld i jux ignore this shyness and be bold or continue liddat? i rrly can't figure out sia. i rrly do love ya alot. bud izzit fate tt dun allow to meet? or even if we meet, destiny pulls us apart again? haix. y so bad de. so wad shld it be? can anyone tell me. well. i dunno if the thing is true anot. budden she say is true. lyk if not true she can be beheaded liddat. bud it looks nth not lehx. or has the truth becos over some time become not true le ne? i dunno. i hope the answer can come to me real soon. haix.
yeah. hurt my hand yest. now got a wrist guard around my wrist. hurt it when i was trying to break a fall. hmm. veri painful now. can't even bend sia. bend le damm pain de. hmm. yest played soccer in school. damm fun now. now tt the small goalpost is being pulled to the court. hahax. can lyk totally ram without fear le. lolx. bud yest was oso disappointing. i waited for her though. in da end jux walked with her a short distance cos i nidda go and its 7 le. met her on da way. jux smiled and laughed at each other. can feel we both shy and nth else. haix. y izzit liddat ne? haix. she dinda even turned to say bye. all i can do is say byebye in my heart. wanted to say bud she rushed off le. y ne. i rrly tt invisible ah? haix. may the light grows with the time. love you........................................... bud do u noe? o.O haix.
Sadded: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 6:00 PM
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Thursday, July 15, 2004
Relieved..
hahax.. she'S fine! yays! i tot she'll be lyk staggering here and there today.. budden dun have! hahax.. so happy.. keke.. nbm.. erh.. nth happened much today though.. PE had a great time playing the captains ball.. hahax.. the guy team rox so much sia.. teamwork passing.. hahax.. den after school ate duckrice.. erh.. was tt supposed to be said? o.O nbm.. tink she went home alone today.. meant to go home de.. budden pf say i zhong se qing you.. *shrugs* did i? hmm.. maybe.. neways, in da end go to csc with winston, pf and kh.. we go play tennis! eee haa! hahax.. so fun lehx.. serving rox.. its been sucha long time since i play le.. hahax.. had lotsa fun.. last match is pf and me.. i won him 6 - 2.. lolx.. so fun! keke.. hmm.. hope for a better tml.. well.. now seems lyk its not true le.. neways, hav a nice day..
Relieved: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 9:14 PM
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Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Can u see i'm worried?
haix.. today she cut her leg by galss peices.. seems lyk veri pain.. when jia yin call me go tt time i was lyk wad! budden i nv act it out.. i fan er act out as if it was a minor thing.. went there.. den saw her leg lyk jux a small cut.. bud she said there is something in there.. i cannot c.. cos its inside.. bud splints is lyk tt de.. bud she say got.. so the tcher tried to take it out.. i knew she was in damm pain lorx.. bud the thing is she sank into her senior arms and smiled.. brave ger tt is.. hahax.. i lyk toking wad.. hahax.. lyk ppl die iddat.. *choy* *pui* erm.. i was damm worried there.. i jux made a cushion for her to plaster it under her leg in case her feet touched the floor.. well.. jocelyn parents send her to the clinic..worried abt her den.. though it seems nth.. bud i noe it hurts.. haix.. wad can i do? will there be any use? dunno.. well.. i jux hope for da beta..
oh ya.. finally the school got some good play.. damm sia.. always so sianx.. today one make me laugh till mad.. hahax.. sometimes in my life i am thinking.. one moment u were laughing and laughing.. and den one moment.. u were on the ground, yelping in pain.. haix.. do you noe tt wad will be happening to you? will you be prepared? ain't thinking too much now le.. jux hope to pass everyday smiling, and with freedom.. and ya.. oso.. all my frenz happy.. sorry ppl if i treated you all badly or if i pissed u all out so much this few days.. i'm sorry.. i jux ain't at the right state of mind.. i jux can't think outta da box.. my acting skills sux.. =x nbm.. hope she's fine.. haix.. =)
Worried and worried: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 10:39 PM
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Tuesday, July 13, 2004
TirEd mAnx!
wa seh.. damm boring today sia.. tink i made her bill too high le.. *shrugs* hmmm.. nbm.. erh.. first thing.. i tink horx.. the school rrly veri bo liao.. catch ppl playing in school uniform.. haix.. nbm.. erh.. damm lotsa hmwk today.. doing later at 11++ bahx.. hahax.. dunno y this few days lyk to late late study.. alamak.. veri boring sia.. always in school listen to tcher say here say there.. haix.. bud for myself, i gotta bi zi ji listen lehx.. alamak..hmmm.. why why why! i rrly wanna noe why.. i tink i shld jux cool down for the moment.. hmm.. guess i did too much.. yea.. maybe its tt.. haix.. sorry if i fan you too much.. =x all da best ppl for ya block test and prelims.. byebye!
Stuck On You ~ Mark 'Oh
And yoo love it yeah
check it out now
o come on come on come on
stuck on you
i´ve got this feeling down deep in my soule that i just can't loose
yes i´m on my way
needed a friend and the way i feel now i guess i´ll be with you till the end
yes i´m on my way
mighty glad you stayed
mighty glad you stayed
let me say o o o lets go
come on
chorus
stuck on you
i´ve got this feeling down deep in my soule that I just can´t loose
yes i´m on my way
needed a friend and the way I feel now I guess i´ll be with you to the end
yes i´m on my way
mighty glad you stayed
mighty glad you stayed
i´ll take it to the left if you take it to the write
i´ll stay up all night with all of my mates (?)
o o o o o o
o o o lets go
dansing it makes you wanna move
yes dansing it makes you wanna grove
get on the floor and i´ll give you more
on the floor can we give you more and more
o come on come on come on
chorus
let me say ooo lets go
chorus
Heart troubled: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 10:34 PM
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Monday, July 12, 2004
BorinG
hmmm... today not very nice.. slept the whole 2 periods b4 recess.. dunno y.. very very tired.. reckon i'm trying to think and do too much at a time.. when i reached home i felet so weak.. no power to do anything.. walking seems hard.. well.. the hardest is not to think of you.. haix.. nbm.. finally today studied with you.. keke.. guess both of us still quite shy.. budden i guess we're up and ready in no time! o.o mind me for saying nonsense.. hahax.. dunno wad to say le.. i jux wanna treausure every moment left.. if only.. haix.. nbm.. =)
Words ~ Mark 'Oh
If you
Come close
And hold me tight
You feel
The heart that beats
For you
And if
You dear
Could read my mind
Oh you
Would know my love
Is true
Chorus (2 times)
Words can`t say how much I love you
Words can`t say how much I care
I need you `n I need your love
Like I need to breathe the air
Faith
And trust
Give both a try
So you
Will see that is
The key
I swear
True love
Will never die
So please
Believe in you
And me
Chorus (4 times)
Words can`t say how much I love you
Words can`t say how much I care
I need you `n I need your love
Like I need to breathe the air
AlwAys tHerE: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 8:21 PM
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Sunday, July 11, 2004
MisSing YoU 4eVa
okok.. firstly gotta say tt yest got alot funnie things.. no mood to type so nv write.. after the ndp horx, we go kfc.. hahax.. so funnie there.. we were toking abt the school anniversary abt wad if no one goes.. lyk tt titme the last day of school.. hahax.. den i said.. later mr lai in school report the absenties.. then kang f*** said abt sec 4.. all absent! hahax.. den i said.. sec 4s! wad is this.. no parade, no performance, no ppl, no nth! mr yacob had to sit in his car for 1 hr b4 his door was open.. and u noe hu opened it?!? my yacob imself! lolx.. den we were there laughing lyk mad.. hahax.. rj went abt wad auntie betty dogs had to do the lion dance and opening of the door.. hahax.. dunno lahx.. den after tt cos we go ndp got take things.. they gave slim water.. hahax.. den ming song use the sliim water to wash his face.. hahahahx.. so hao xiao.. veri cold lorx.. bud veri shuang.. pf and me oso tried.. pf said wad his face will be slimmer.. hahax.. so funnie.. den cos is the kallang kfc so we keep feel the bottle up with the free pepsi.. hahax.. den it was lyk everyone was looking at us.. hahax.. dunno.. u shld see us there bloggy.. so funnie.. hahax..
hmm.. today yet another day.. tuition in da morning, slacked.. shld i do OT tonite ne? tink i will.. gotta do my physics revision, my hmwk my everything.. block test, prelims and o levels! here i come! JC here i come! eeehhhaaa! hahax.. hope i can make it to JC bahx.. hmmm.. okok.. abt feelings now.. ppl, dun wan c can end le.. hahax.. =x
same thing.. i do think its true.. bud how true? i dunno.. of onli i can noe it.. y own't u tell me now? i can wait de ma.. y ne? i appreciate everything now.. from the slighest thing of telling me you still ain't go.. frm agreeing.. all these lil thing tt most ppl will see as childish.. budden izzit true? or is this a repetition of wad happen 2 yrs ago.. haix.. hope this mystery gets on soon.. i can't wait.. erh.. i mean answer.. bud wad i can wait is always, you.. tanka alot for these pass few weeks.. *smoochies* erh.. dun tink yy can le ppl.. nth much is on for me.. i mean erh.. nth much in the happenings of me.. hahax.. chi||z yeah? o.O rox on bloggy.. rox on ppl..
Waiting and waiting: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 5:58 PM
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Saturday, July 10, 2004
NDP family day!
wo.. today morning is the school anniversary thingy.. did nth.. jux instruct cadets den go mac eat lunch le.. hmmm.. nth much.. jux can say no fate lahx.. nbm.. well, went ndp
family day.. actually we is white seats we go vip seats.. hahax.. so fun.. parade rox! i wanna be GOH nxt time manx! cool! hahax.. i wanna wear first u! hahax.. bleahx.. performance was boring though.. well.. sms her.. dis few days alot sia.. die le.. haix.. bud still dunno true anot.. hmm.. rrly lyk it the way now or improving.. jux tt hope more fate bahx.. o.O i rrly dunno wad i can say.. budden if it is lyk tdis, i tink your actions quite obvious le.. haix.. i dunno.. hope so? blahx.. lame me.. nbm.. gtg.. bye bloggy..
No Fated: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 11:15 PM
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Friday, July 09, 2004
hi bloggy.. =|
hey bloggy.. its been long time since i wrote to you.. dis week alot thingy happen lehx.. haix.. dunno is wad lai de.. sometimes i dunno if i shld feel happy or wad.. i dunno.. its lyk so obvious le.. and i alreadi showed tt i understand... bud wad is happening?? y suddenly lyk no way? i jux can't figure this out.. can anyone help me.. haix.. bloggy? hmmm.. well not tt i wan to say.. budden its lyk its from a reliable source.. hmm.. interferencing with other sources.. -.- ok.. enuff of ss.. ah.. hope one day i can rrly noe abt it.. if tt person is lying abt it.. den i rrly got nth to say le.. if its true, den i'm going to continue.. neways, even if not true horx, i will still continue lahx.. wth am i toking? o.O suddenly i feel warmth and light lehx.. feel tt the thing i'm dreading is abt to happen.. budden when i tink abt it happening i feel is still very far away.. hmm.. y ne? thinking too much? tink so.. rrly dunno wad lies ahead.. as i said, i will be waiting and waiting.. bud if the source is correct, i'm setting a target.. before this year ends.. i need a miracle..
Miracle ~ Cascades
Boy Meets Girl,
You were my dream my world
But I was blind, you cheated on me from behind
So on my own, I feel so all alone
but i know it's true, im still in love with you!!
(Chorus)
I need a miracle, i wanna be your girl
give me a chance to see that you are made for me,
I need a miracle please let me be your girl
one day you'll see it can happen to me,
I need a miracle, i wanna be your girl
give me a chance to see that you are made for me,
I need a miracle please let me be your girl
one day you'll see it can happen to me,
it can happen to me!!
Day and night im always by your side
cause I know for sure my love is real my feelings yours
so take a try don't need to ask me why
cause i know it's true, I'm still in love with you.
(Chorus)
I need a miracle, i wanna be your girl
give me a chance to see that you are made for me,
I need a miracle please let me be your girl
one day you'll see it can happen to me,
I need a miracle, i wanna be your girl
give me a chance to see that you are made for me,
I need a miracle please let me be your girl
one day you'll see it can happen to me,
it can happen to me!!
Miracle...
Awaiting and Hoping: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 9:58 PM
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Tuesday, July 06, 2004
ThEre gOes SpiDyman.. =[
ahhh!! i dropped my spidyman when running to the bus-stop today.. sobz.. it was damm cute norx.. alamak.. nbm.. finally can write blog here.. hahax.. so long le.. 2nd in a row! bleahx! erh.. today nth much.. jux tt we played with da wheelchair today.. hahax.. did willy.. hahax.. den nth much.. ran in da rain.. go tuition.. comp finally everything back.. hahax.. cheers to me sis.. kkx.. gtg.. homework to do.. hahax.. ciao~!
HapPy aNd hAPpIeR: FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 10:09 PM
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Monday, July 05, 2004
Movies! =)
weee~! today went to cineleisure watch Spidyman 2! it was damm cool when they fight.. supposed to watch with her and ah ger + alot others.. bud in da end all da gers nb.. lolx.. nbm.. still went to watch as usual.. lolx.. nice show bud starting quite boring lahx.. tink the moral of the show is dun be late bahx.. hahax.. hmmm.. after da movies, me, pf, winston and kang f*** went walking around.. den go to ps.. sms her.. she say she was at bugis goin to the adidas shop.. hahax.. in de end me, and kang f*** go to bugis meet her, michelle and blur pig.. erh.. in da end they go to tea shark house or sumthin liddat eat.. i and kang f*** went to mos burger.. later go seiyu see watch all these den go home le.. lolx.. quite fun lahx.. saw alot of mjr ppl there.. hahax.. Happy Youth Day to all ppl manx! hahax.. nice being a youth yeah? bleahx.. hmmm.. nth le.. hope for da better tml.. dunno wanna tell wt abt sumthing not.. hope pf say sumthing.. lolx.. or maybe we thinking too much.. lolx..
love at first sight is fate.. love at second sight is destiny, love at third sight is truth.. may all ppl find their love.. =)
Happy bud troubled:FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 8:39 PM
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izzit rrly i'm back?
haix.. so long no blog.. due to the spoilness of my comp.. now its back and good bud everything gone.. all my data.. lucky i got save da pics and musics.. *grins* neways, so many things happened sia.. we changed class with 4i, played soccer with 3NA, den got my right leg cramp.. so many things.. keke.. how to say all in one day.. later going cineleisure watch spidyman 2.. ppl say its a veri good show lehx.. hahax.. i wonder how good izzit.. actually watch with alot ppl de.. budden now lyk a few onli... haix.. nbm.. better den nv watch rite? hahax.. hmm.. meeting pf at 11.. ah.. nth more to write.. not much in da mood.. all forget wad to write le.. lolx.. oh ya.. yest went to play badminton with ston, pf and jian cong.. wa.. all so pro le.. keke.. good job guys! ;p
okok.. these few days tink i'm thinking too much.. stuck in da middle.. budden i passed the obstacle.. or did i? i hope i did.. there's certainly a lil change tt i noticed.. am i thinking too much or izzit rrly true.. ger ah.. tts wad u say de.. i dun even noe hu to trust.. you or me.. lolx.. you more close say le true.. bud ppl say u mux trust urself de lehx.. lolx! i dunno.. i jux wanna smile everyday and not regretting every single moment of it.. now our classroom so far bud nbm.. i believe in fate and fate is in with me.. all da best to all out there.. tatax.. =]
Simple and Peace:FetOrAy a.k.a Alvin
darkside illusions 9:28 AM
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