Thursday, June 30, 2005

i'm still here.. if u nid me..


losing someone so important to you hurts.
it happens to me lotsa times
bud losing someone who u love so deep
can make u die
i lost one too
i'm happy yet sad
happy that u found your happiness
happy that i finally helped u fufilled your dreams
yet sad
sad that i can nv be the one you love
sad that you'll not be in the hug of mine
sad that my future with you is gone
sad that all i can do is to wish
wish you will be happy
for this is your decision

i'm not a saddist
try losing someone u love
you'll understand
i've lost you
now i'm lost
i want you
i need you
bud all now
is a dream
it'll never come true
yet somehow u wont noe how deep is my love for you..

is love so powerful that it can blind a person's eye to the people who once took them thru the darkest period of their life? i'm disappointed. i'm lost. i'm sad. i'm broken. i'm torn into pieces. hope i can somehow still smile..

darkside illusions 1:05 AM

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Wednesday, June 29, 2005

i feel so pain here ("v") why?


sometimes i wonder. is love really that powerful? powerful till.. it makes ppl turns a blind eye to everything arnd them? i suppose it dun apply to me. i remember the people who took me thru my darkest times. hu went thru with me. who shared my pain. who let me see the lights. yet every now and den i see ppl in love turning a blind eye to everything arnd them. does love really work this way? y izzit that when a person is in love, he/she tends to forget hu is the one hu brought them thru the darkest time? y izzit that they show nth? dun even bother to tell them their in a relationship? y izzit that people muz go a big round and den find out by themselves? give me a reason to be strong. tell me wad is wrong.. am i really so bad that i nid to go dig that info myself? well i tink love works this way.. i'm sad. real sad. my heart aches. deep inside. i wanna take out the pain. i grabbed my heart. yet all i got was nothing. i cant reach the ache. y? y am i feeling so bad now? dun u realise that all along there's a mask in front of me? i'm trying to be strong. do u noe everytime i say its ok. there's a chance de. u try harder jiu can ler my heart is stabbed once? u noe how painful it is to play joker? no one noes. no one ever...

yet i'm fortunate. thanks everyone hu tried to cheer me up. none can cos none understands. the one hu almost did it was the one i knew barely for a month. sandii jie. thanks. u almost make me smile with that cheer. camel hao peng you, nic, peipei, mel, auntie wen, blur pig, josh, boon wei, azri. thanks you guys for being there. boon wei and azri. really thanks for accompanying me to the place. i noe its kinda off ur tracks budden thanks for noeing i nid ppl to accompany me and u guys did. thanks. thanks blur pig and mel for asking me to take care. thanks camel hao peng you and auntie to ask me how am i. thanks nic and josh for giving me advice. thanks pei pei for asking too. thanks gl for sending me tt song i looking for. and most importantly thanks sandii jie to tok to me and really trying to withstand my blues. love u guys loads. budden i've yet to find someone i can really throw everything to. y? hais. i feel so lost. so hurt.

dinner with da gurls tml at 7. bet there's lots to catch up. i hope that can somehow cheer me up. guys, if ya feeling pissed at me today, i'm sorry. i juz aint facing up to reality. where's the stong junting i used to be? the one hu nv submit to anything. where are you? i want u back! i want to show the world wad i am. budden as the great saying say. no man can resist love. hais. i guess so. i feeling power overflowing in me. i feel the power juz flowing out. one little push frm my hand and the big lecture door juz whammed the wall. juz a small squeeze of my hand, the can is ruinned. the most powerful thing i did today was 13 pull ups in a go. i felt the power in me. i wannt release it all. i feel the muscles stretch. i feel the ice cream go bursting in my hand. i feel the power in me, lettin go.. yet the power is useless in the face of love.. thats all. tataz..

its painful seeing you leaving my world
juz lyk that
without knowingly i realised the bonds i had with u
is more den anything i felt b4
the love i had on you
is more den anything i felt b4
yet now reality slaps me again
love is nth compared to the blood guys bleed
love is nth compared to the tears shed
love is wonder

while you enjoy the fruits of love
the one hu seeks the turth of your heart
whimpers in pain
while you smile and kiss the cheek of your love
the one who sees thru the darkest time
hides in the shadows
thinking you find your happiness
the one doesn't want you to feel sad
sad abt wad is happening to the one in the corner
he doesn't want to ruin your happiness
he juz want you to be happy
happy with the present status you are
if doesn't want you to know how he feels
he rather keep everything in his heart
and be sad and bad abt it himself
den see a happy gurl
turn into a frown
thats wad love is
thats how powerful love is..

darkside illusions 12:37 AM

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Tuesday, June 28, 2005

5 things that made my day..


ok nth much to blog today. so here it goes..

1) our bus came and me and nic were opposite the road. nic was on the phone. so i raised my voice.. "oei! bus come liaos! wan run anot! come ler!" nic reply "ok ok! ah yes.." and den he continued standing there and talking on the phone.. after the bus left, he hanged the phone. and said "sarah coming later. haha! wad you say?" i replied "we just missed our bus. i told ya and u did nth. >.<" nic den say "really ah! i really dunno wad u talking! haha! i juz ya ya. uh-uh!" [ the laugh goes on ] wad a bro. ignore me cos of a gerl. >.< hahas! =P

2) i was playing with nic's new phone. den i played the lion sleeps at night song. its childish bud we lyk. den i tink wad if i play the song this loud *hand press to the loudest* when i go on the bus? hahas. of cos i din wan to try lahs.. so ya. juz tt time. bus 65 come. so i went on the bus.. cos my hand is occupied with the laptop of mine and erh.. the phone, i accidentally press the exit button right in front of the entrance. =x gosh. as i cannot delay my entrance i went in with the sound that loud and the song is playing the most childish part. =x gosh. so malu lor. the whole bus lyk looking at me. den i rushed to where nic was [which was at the last last seat of the bus =.=]. grrr. den finally off the song. budden still so ps. >.< eeekk!

3) when we alight and we made out way to mac. seems cool right? tink twice. a middle aged man with just a shirt and boxers on walked passed us. still ok? tink thrice. as its kinda erh.. common sense. if ya wearing boxers out, at least wear a underwear or smth. this guy. nth. juz boxers and guess wad? his penis can be seen clearly sticking out of the boxers. i mean not sticking out bud the shape. >.< gross. and he is lyk walking big big. as though u noe. his penis is ere****g. ya guess it. yucks!

4) the next one happens almost immediately after this yucky guy. a middle to old age women. who resembles ru hua (or izzit worse?) came out to me. she's a dinosaur (veri fat. =x), and she had a cigrette in her hand. ok guess it? cant? here it goes. she came up to me right outside mac. she stopped me. nic stopped too. den she goes. "boy ah.. [translated to eng] i am a pregnant lady *she taps her tummy three times*, den now i no money to eat. can u spare me some money?" looking at her tummy, that's no baby, its fat. =x if she has the money to smoke, y not eat? my reply? "sorry i going home. mei you qian.." den me and nic went into mac. =x hahahas! fine..

) i tink i possess strength that i cant control. =x ok. after 'mugging' at mac, i went to buy the ice cream. sounds ok oso right? wahahas. i got my ice cream and i started peeling out the mac paper attached to it. i pull without much strength and 1/4 of it came out. den i try to pull again, my thumb made a small hole in the cone. thinking still ok i went to pull. after the last pull of the paper, my whole hand crushed the poor ice cream into bits and pieces. argh. there goes my ice cream. all was left was some crumbs on my hand and the ever cold ice-cream. grrr. wad happened i oso dunno. i noe i nv use dao strength den i was lyk praying the ice cream not to burst bud it still did. >.<

kks. 3 pics today that i played arnd with. =)) tatas! nite nite! missing you.. hais..

a pic of jwei i editted for her.. nice ma? lols!





thats my edited pic. =))





thats nic and sandy jie. can regonise ma? hahas





hmm. dun mind abt the words. =D piggy sotong!

darkside illusions 2:53 AM

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Monday, June 27, 2005

hais...


ok. din even hav the mood to blog today. bud den suan ler. something juz make me want to blog. argh. having a bad patch now. no one really understand how i feel. they prefer to see me as perfect. nahs. its ok. hais. i really dunno wad to de ler u see. y izzit when ppl alreadi give u the buzz off sign bud yet u dowan u still want to buzz them? u noe it is veri irritating de ma? yeah. i'm tt buzzer. hire an assasin to kill me bahs. dun hav the slightest mood to go on cept for drums, guitar and ddr ler. you juz killed my life. my dreams. bud yet i still wanna wait. y? y am i so stupid. in da past wait wait wait. wait until liddat. now still cannot change the stupid habit of mine. argh. fine wad ever. today went arcade yet again after my drum lessons. played drum to let go of everything. den go play guilty gear. i-no is so nice to use. if u noe how. yeah. her finishing its lyk so cool can! the destroy thingy. she as the lead guitarist play the guitar. den got keyboardist, percussionist playing. the the opponent is beat abt by the 'ghost' of the band. den when i-no strum the last move, the opponent is destroyed. hahas. i used it alot time today. so fun. budden the happiness aint for long. hais. suan ler..

yeah. load a few pics up bahs..

thats a night view view frm mensa 2





another one of it





thats me in hip hop wear? *sucky*





thats my 'hip' shirt..





ugly me with beautiful background





huimin saying "umph"





shy melissa. part of MnMx2 =))





thats jared trying to be cute lyk me. =P





ok. thats qing liang..





thats the leftover of huimin's dinner. =x





tada! shows over. nites. dreaming of you...

darkside illusions 1:21 AM

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Saturday, June 25, 2005

ok i'm here to blog. hais. oh well. i kinda feel tired mentally. dunno y. today aint have the mood to drums or anything. guitar oso dun have. played B for funky guitar basic. i'm getting real lousy moods now. drums? fail and more fail. f*ck it. i hate the feeling.. i really cant stand it anymore. i feel so tired. really so tired of this type of things. how come heaven juz always got to play this type of tricks on me? y make me have this feeling bud purposely not give me wad i gave? how come every time i see couples in da school so happily and all i can is crying in my heart wondering when my turn will come? how come u make me meet her and forget all about the past yet u dowan grant me my miracle? y do you want to play me lyk tt? i'm seriously kneeling down. y do u always spit on me when i'm in love? make me fall out of love juz lyk that when i truely wan to gib all my heart out?

y do u make me noe this gerl in poly yet u know urself she'll lyk other ppl? u noe how hurting it is? y muz it always be me? wad have i done wrong? i aint expecting much. i juz want to find someone who truely understands and love me and can accept me for wad i am and juz spend the rest of my life with her. is it so hard? y make me go a big circle? i'm seriously so sad. seriously so tired. seriously so hurt. bud wad can i do? u call the shots heaven. oh yes u do.. i can do nth. i'm feeling so worn out by all these things u put me thru. its hard forgetting one. and now i'm back to square 1. wad muz i do to make her lyk me the way i do? y? hais. no one noes. not even MnMx2, not even da sao. only u noe and i noe. hais.. if only u can love me back... =((

Song: Infinite
Artist: PARALLEL FLOATERS
Mix: DM7 / GF8

Everyday that we live our lives together
Precious days that we draw each page with so many colors
Open your eyes to see the world that's surrounding us
Open your eyes, let's go and grab a new future

On you mark, spread your wings to the sky
(Are you ready to speed?)
Kick start your heart, head up high
I know you can do it (yes, you can do it)
You can do it now (yes, you can do it)

Smile when your heart is ready
Go take the path your heading
Follow your heart believe it
don't waste another moment


our password is deep inside of your heart
(of your heart)
Your own world is what you make of it
It's inside of you
(deep inside of you)
Deep inside of you
There is no repeat

Just don't forget aboout the truth
That every moment is brand new

darkside illusions 1:41 AM

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Friday, June 24, 2005

is it really safe for indians to go out at nite?


oh well. today was kinda boring though. juz passed my day thru with nth. yest was real good! though i was too shagged when reached home and dinda blog, i feel so happy. i juz dunno y. after dragon boat i went dinner with nic, melo and camel hao peng you. hahas. so happy. hee. we sat on the swing seats den tok tok. laugh till siao. hahas. really so happy though i noe all these are all temporary. well i noe now ler. we could nv be together bud in this short short time i really enjoyed myself. its really kinda a great pleasure to have known you. maybe when he really accepted u ler den u'll truely be happy. for now i really wish u too luck kks? dun always so sad ler. dun becos of small small things jiu sad sad den cry ok? muz stay happy ah! u noe hu u are. =)) yahs. sometimes fate ish liddat de. cannot mian chiang one.. its ok. i kan de kai. looks lyk i'm gonna be lonely ler. its really kinda not my style to remain single for so long. hahas. i'll try de hao peng you. if i can make it, one day this will all be wad is lyk i did. memories... the chapter i can sense is ending ler.. hais. suan ler.. bu yao zai shuo ler. the more i say the more sad. the worst i feeling. hais.. y liddat ne? i always ask meself. =((

oh well.. today met up with mel, jared, ql, huimin and rj bro. all nv change much. same old bunch of guys. they come tp. cept hm and rj cos they tp. =x ate salad bar for dinner. tok awhile. den liddat lor. hahas. shall upload some pics tml. den we left. i kana con. mel say maybe go tampinese tok tok. den we take 23 there. in da end.. all went their ways. i was lyk bu shi tok tok mehs? hmm. nbm. i too innocent ler. nahs. nbm.. ya. that somes up everything.

ok back to the topic of the day.. is it really safe for indians to go out at nite? ok.. y i say that ne? cos today when i alight from my bus when i go home. the bus driver juz close the door and theres this indian guy wanting to board the bus. almost kiap him. >.< next. while i crossing the road. suddenly behind got one screeching noise. i look back. i saw a indian in black shirt and pants almost knock down. =x izzit really they so suay of is it really so dangerous for them to travel out at nite ne? hmm. can u see them? =x ok not being racist or something. bud its a fact though...

i'm loving someone who doesnt love me
its hurting to know how much its impossible
yet i dunno why i'm still waiting
its really so hard
so painful
i'm helping you realise your dreams with him
yet i'm here all along
seeing my happinese inch away from me
how i wish i was that guy
but its all impossible..
not for now
but for life
you know who you are
yet the stupidity of me carries me on...
hurt in the heart
yet all in yours is him
well, i guess thats fate..
we could never be together
and i've accepted it..

darkside illusions 2:16 AM

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Tuesday, June 21, 2005

shagged..


ok .. i'm so shagged out today. cs in classes. >.< cos they were too boring. hahas. lucky there is josh. xD hmm. ok fine. today kinda ok. went to DB training with a headache. cos i cs too much before that. hahas. training was ok. bud i feel so shagged. hahas. oh yeah. today i tot i lost my hp. cos i forget put it into my bag. in da end ish my senior hu took it for me when he saw it lying there. hahas. xD to my relieve. thanks senior! bud he read my messages! bad him! hahas. bud no im maybe my hp lost ler. so ya. thanks dude! hahas. hmm. and den i finally can see my arm change ler. the muscles are all popping out. lols. really love it! xD finally can be bigger size abit. today when i noe i tot i lost my hp, something went wrong in me. ran the 9 and 10th round the track in 3 minutes 26 sec. hahas. den still can pull pull ups after that. hahas. something is so wrong. maybe cos i have the to i cannot msg u ler.. well its ok. nbm. yahs. after that we were joking abt the strength we will obtain if we continue. lols. den we were saying that if a burglar come we throw him only throw to 5th floor ler. budden instead he said thanks cos he want break in to the 5th floor. hahas.

we = nic, me, nor and cl. lols. den the security guard hu lyk to find fault with me come in not scared. den will ask him down! down! hahas. den ish lyk norman being so childish. tok until down one den wad missiles fly here and there and bam! boom! make me laugh till i cant walk. hahas. his actions la. lyk so childish. hahas. i am childish too. laugh till liddat. xD yahs. thats abt all. lols. yays! tml 3 lectures.. can see her 3 tinms? hahas. ok la. i'm juz lame. i'm still confused on wad to do. lols. stupid me. forget it. hahas!

darkside illusions 12:44 AM

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Monday, June 20, 2005

ok. dinda blog yesterday cos its another 5am sleep. hahas. yeah. this few days keep liddat. wonder how long can i go. hahas. bud the funnie thing is i dun feel so tired ler. lols. =P ah... ok. life is kinda ok on the outside i guess. yest and today went to dbg drum. got the top up 20 bucks gib u 20 bucks promotion going on. hahas. yeah. wadeva. ok. i seriously nid to save up for a drum set. xD put in my room. wahahas! ok wadeva. anyway... as i said life kinda ok lor.

kinda sad in love thats all. aint nth much. i promised her to be happy no matter wad. and i told myself too. so. yeah. xD wadeva. dun tink i can expect much too ler. its so stupid thats all. grr. i'm feeling oh-so-confused-and-tired out by all these things. grr. hahas. bud wad can i do. lyk camel my good good fren says... u cannot force someone to lyk u de mahs. and not say i dunno how she feels mahs. argh. getting stupider each time i say all these things. someone kill me. more and more thingy coming in. i dunno wad to do ler. hais. advices all different de.. y muz the sky make me go this way? y muz sky torture me liddat instead of giving me a clear path? i'm hopeless. thinking that if i go forget, she'll nv love me. thinking of going backwards, i'm afraid of being hurt oh-so-bad again. thinking to stay put, i'm a useless person who submits to fate. hais. wad shld i do ne?

now can peii me de is juz mugging and drums. have been drumming lyk nobody business liddat. passing songs here and there. budden all these things are still in my head. hais. wadeva. i'm hopeless. aint fit to love. bud yes. AH GER! i love you still too! hahas! take care in nyp ok? prob me when ya have da time! i'm so in love with BeForU, Des-ROW, Asaki and Handsome Jet! argh. drums again. forget it. orange lounge i will conquer u. wahahas! take care guys.. nites den. nid my sleep for later.

oh ya. i tink i hurt my wrist thru drumming and guitaring. lyk broken liddat.. veri pain. bud i siao ler. keep play drums instead of the pain. wan pain numb pain. hais. nbm. no one noes. forget it. DB training tml. the fitness test is lyk few days away! wish me luck! hais. someone.. love me..

darkside illusions 2:31 AM

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Saturday, June 18, 2005

mug dog


okay. i feel more and more lyk a saddist. was kinda feeling down AGAIN this morning. i wonder y too. and this morning is lyk 3 - 5am? hahas. cos i stayed the morning up doing my IISO. and finally i finished. hope can pass sia. i was lyk bluffing all the way thru and adding things that i dun even noe izzit right. hahas. juz piack anything in. yeah.

argh. which idiot tell me poly life is so slack? grrr. in school = slack. after school = mug dog. i really cant breathe. i guess i really need someone to be here for me. to share my workload. i really cant breathe anymore. being a Z student is really tough. and coping up with dragon boat. hais. everyday i'll see couples in school and i'll be thinking when will it be my turn ne? sitting by the sports complex together. u and me. thats all. chilling out at the ice cream store. eating lunch together. working together in da library. holding handsin school like no one business and envy by all. den after school chilling out together. having times together. telling problems to each party.. mugging lyk mad together yet having fun. hahas. thats the type of relationship i really want. bud is that possible? every one seems to have their love life ler. everyone got hu they wants. yet me. sitting here. unwanted by all in love. accepted by few in friendship. i really aint the real me. where is the lex i used to be? i wanna my self back. yet i nid a motivation. i know hu's my motivation. yet its so near yet so far.. hais. forget it.... love sometimes juz aint enuff..

thru the dark alley i walked
with no light guiding me
i walked till the end
only to find that i'm back at where i am
i'm juz spinning around in circles

all i want was your love
yet in return i got to see you go
i aint want you to be sad
i let you go
i want to see that smile on your face
i believed what i did was for my own good
i encouraged you on with that guy
all in return is to see you smile
yet deep here i'm cute
depressed and dejected

i helped you on
wishing that he can bring you more happiness den me
i dun wanna ruin your life
neither mine
all i can do
is see your backview going further away
if only... if only
if only i'm loved...

darkside illusions 1:32 PM

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Friday, June 17, 2005

ok. today totally shagged out. day after DB and study study study. i'm going mad. someone save me. hahas. was studying most of the times. sometimes juz catch a few rounds of CS on my comp and gunbound. hahas. childish me. yeah. oh wad so ever. am i thinking wad i tink i am? i dunno. she's treating me real fine dis few days. i wonder wassup with that? not tt i not happy. bud its a little impossible. hmmm. was still wondering. hahas. hope i noe soon. of cos i want it to happen lahs. hahas. we chatted alot this few days. wonder wad will happen. chat so much bud see so little. lols. lame rite?

mans. my eyelids are dropping. gotta catch sleep. lols. lucky tml 3pm den go school. can sleep late. xD ok i'm off. i really hope you'll be mine. tatas guys. dun be sad everyone. for this sucky, idiotic and bo liao guy can even be happy for now. so there's nth to frown abt. esp u. yes u. look no elsewhere. melissa lim! thats you! smiles kks? dun keep everything to ya self ler. i prefer u saying out. rather den keeping it. maybe it'll make a difference? hmm. wan an guys..

help me finish up my story
for the past chapters are messed up.
love is just lyk a story book
theres a introduction and everything
you are the author.
you choose how you want it to write
bud u'l' get stuck sometimes
wondering how u should write it

i've passed my chapter and the new one is for me to write
now i'm stuck
i need a saviour
someone to help me finish this chapter of mine
and hopefully will be the last chapter
someone to love me
someone to adore me
someone who is genuine
someone who wont give up on me
someone who is willing to spend time with me
someone who will wait for me no matter wad i do
that someone
where are you?
spring pass and autumm is coming
i wanna feel love
i wanna be in love
bud this sucky me
will never have a happy ending

i'm a lousy author
therefore my past ending is a failure
the author did not know how to write
he did not treasure the past he had
he did not did more den wad was needed
he is a lousy author
the author is me
screw me

i need you
i love you
i miss you
i want you
i hope you know its you....

darkside illusions 1:21 AM

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Thursday, June 16, 2005

DB GO!


DB training today. wasnt that tough though. hahas. juz that today after i bathe i eat noodles, my spoon shook in my hand. nth much de. xD hahas! yeah. today was cool. c114 almost 2/3 of the class pon tank. hahas. PRSP lecture was lyk so empty. hahas. so funnie. yeah. abt 1 week+ no kan dao her ler. hahas! so hao xiao. well nbm. xD

ok. i saw that business gurl during DB today! oh gosh. i dinda noe she still in DB. hahas. oh well. its something so qiao i guess. can still remember. during oreintation i was kana pulled to sit beside her and was made to feed her by her ol. >.< gosh. cosh she said something abt me. guess it if ya can. hahas. ya. den i forget her name when we intro each other. hahas. den today i saw her again. hahas. wanted to get her no de. no harm making more friends rite? i mean thats wad a guy shld do at the basic rite? hmmm. budden i dunno her name. so dinda ask today. hahas. so funnie lor. den went home asked cheryl abt this gerl and den i suddenly remembered after she told me. isebella. is that how u spell it? lols! ok fine wadeva. ya shant say more. wait u all get the wrong idea wo jiu cham ler. hahas.

erh. ya. that sums up everything today. yays! tml me, piggy sotong melody and i hope there are others, i tink camel, will be studying in da library after school. hahas. want to chiong work ler. lols! time really not enuff. tataz. i'm off to my project. xD here's some pic u missed. xD

tired nic. hahas.





tired me.





tired nic again. xD





motion nic





my past life is a blur..





living in the past, thinking of da present..

>br>


thats knnth! the most zai arcade drummer i've seen!





my shoe





nic shoe and mine! which one is nicer? hahas!





sandy jie. =x woops. she say she is ugly here. xD





sandy jie and nic!





me with da lollipop! love it! xD

darkside illusions 2:15 AM

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Wednesday, June 15, 2005

forget it...


ok. its close to 4 now and i anit sleeping. y? cos i'm busying doing my work. see how tough poly life is? so dudes and babes in mjr. dun tink u can lax in sec school and say dun go jc lor. go poly can slack. wrong sia. i'm lyk rushing till mad lahs. though homework is due 1 week de. bud u seriously have no time to slack. one day slack thats 2 days for u to catch up. lucky i took a maths. if not now i'll be dead shit studying c maths 2 u see. *pray for those hu did not take a maths* yahs. life getting tougher. with DB trainings 2 times a week and totally killed my night off, i nid to double up. everything aint cool now. love, studies, friends. gosh. wad is going on mans. argh forget it. yep. i'm gonna stay happy no matter wad. =))

today was kinda ok though. went for lectures and 1 lab and a APEL tutorial. juz abt all. my day. came home use comp awhile KO! totally no strength due to DB the day b4. hahas. forget it. went to sleep for 3 hrs u see. hahas. that killed my nite off too. woke up dinner and off to work till now. guess some of the peeps will take my night off and copy my work. hahas. its ok. xi guan jiu hao. nbm de. last time work still got jie to help. now i'm all on my own. mugging lyk fu*k. trying to be a multi-tasker. learning basic jp, catching up with work, drumming, dragon boating, socializing. hope i can do it lyk how nicholas does. sometimes really admire him. everything oso good. hahas. forget it. i want to be happy no matter wad happens. reality slapped me in da face again today. yet i chose to stand tall from it.

over the horizon
i sit and pray
the past is gone
and the present has arrived
turning my head back
all i saw was broken promises
broken pieces of me
unfinished puzzle
yet here i am
taking the road i chose to go
an obstacle came
i meant to jump over it easily
yet it grew taller each time i tried
i once gave it my full shot
yet i fell down
reality is for real
if you cant you cant
y force your way through?
maybe if you look to your sides,
you can juz go round it?
forget abt the obstacle

sometimes i wish my promises are being kept
sometimes i wish time could rewind
sometimes i wish i did not take this road
i've made a mistake
bud aint that gonna make me bow down
i wanna get past
i learned frm my past
i gain experience through my mistakes
i dun wanna make the similar errors again
i need a support
sometimes i juz wish that i could have you in my arms
bud it was all my fault
i'm never in your league
i'm nv close to you
i'm never in your eyes
i'm never someone you'll care alot for
i'm never the someone you love
all i can do was doing some stupid things
believing that true love does exist even with less meetings
trying to prove to myself that i can do it
bud once again reality hurts

love aint no nothing
love is a game
its a game where there are 2 or more players
2 are the star
the others are the challengers or audience
i was once a star
yet the star faded
i was heartbroken
i wanted so much to shine lyk my other star frenz
always in my mind
this imagination in me
abt two stars together
under the romantic night sky
blowing th night breeze
sleeping on each other
yet it never came true
even with a falling star

am i sucha failure?
my world's never right
i'm not doing anything rite
no one wants this star to accompany them
no one wants me
i'm a abandon star
fading slowly away from this world
today i finally knew something
this star tot it had a chance to go out
go out to find another star
yet today
the other star disappointed this star
back to where it was
the star slowly crack
no one loves this star
suffering in silence
this star watch the other one happily with another star
yet this lonely star can only wish them happiness
this lonely star is lonely
this lonely star is me....

yet i'm not going to fall down lyk that
i'm gonna be strong
so what if my future i tot would come true is gone?
so what if my past was a failure?
so what if i myself is a failure?
i will find a way
i will find my love
i will one day be truely happy
bud the times not now
for love is still a distance from me
for i'm a failure in love
forget it
sometimes... love, juz aint enuff....

wan an everyone. Go DB.. zZzZzZ

darkside illusions 4:03 AM

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Monday, June 13, 2005

BOM BOM BA BOM CHI BOM BA!


ok cool. kill me! xD or i'll be noisy da whole day! xD today in drum lessons i juz learned ow to sing song! hahas. i dinda noe i can do it de. xD wahahas! so happy! it goes BOM BOM BA BOM CHI BOM BA! BOM BOM BA BOM CHI BOM BA! hahas! and it goes on! today drum lesson was so fun! xD kill me someone. hahas. or tml will be a noisy day. xD hahas. yeah. cool. tml i had lessons till 10am only. and guess wad time i start? 9am. =.= hahas! cos all my IISO lessons happen to fall on da same day. and its e learning week! xD wahahas! budden there's still DB training. so i'll be waiting lyk 8 hrs? hahas. hmm. yeah. wahahas!

today as i walked to the mrt to go to ps, i finally got it straight ler. since no one really treasure me, y muz i be always the one making the move, hoping to touch her heart ne? its no use aint it? juz lyk wad sk say... if she loves you, she will de. hahas. yeah. i tink thats the antidode i've been looking for.. hmmm. or izzit? i oso not veri sure. have been rather down for quite a few days. and i caused blur pig and mic meii to be sad too? >.< gosh. thats really bad. i shoulda be so selfish. i muz stand tall.. yeah. thats wad i want to be for now. aint no hollaback guy. xD whahas. BOM BOM BA BOM CHI BOM BA! yeah. had kinda a great time today. second day of DDR and i passed quite some standard songs ler. though not tt good. bud its really veri shag after dancing sia. hahas. yeah. bud dowan be addicted to DDR. $$$ hahas. now i seriously wan to save up for a DTXpressIII or a real drum set. hahas. yeah. i should really do tt now. hahas.

ok. sorry dudes and babes if my attitude aint good this few days. was rather down in love though. hahas. bud its ok. i can live without it. i will. i muz. bud i really hope to be in love you see. a scorpio thats me. hmm. wonder y. hahas. cant run from it de. hahas. aww mans. i'm starting to miss something when i type this again. argh. hahas. kks la.. i end here ler. cya all guys. lastly... BOM BOM BA BOM CHI BOM BA! BOM BOM BA BOM BOM BA!

darkside illusions 1:38 AM

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Sunday, June 12, 2005

curse me. for i sucks..


ok. today was kinda fine i gues.. woke up at 11.30 today. was kinda tired cos i played gb till 5 hrs b4. hahas. i go back gb ler. any1 wants to join? hee. bud i muz force myself not to be addicted to it. studies first... hee. bud i hope i can. muz control. yet something is taking over me. something.. called.. love? hais. f*** it. i can feel the temperament burning inside me. i can feel the heat. the anger. the jealousy. yet i'm trained to ren since years ago. i really dunno.

went to ps to meet blur pig and chelles meii. so long no go out with those two xiao mei mei ler. lols. no change cept blur pig with short hair. hahas. both look gre8 shape and chio to me still hee. monkey kor love ya two k? hee.. yeah. andy joined us too. watch cursed together. was kinda a horror story. aint a ghost story or smthing. hmmm. blur pig and chelles meii so tan xiao one. keep hiding behind the their hands. hahas. bud the show was kinda alright la. 4 outta 5 bites. =))

after that went to play drums and guitar in da arcade. hahas. helped xiang pass funky sonic world. pulling him up on the guitar side. hahas. yeah. thats about all i guess. nth much more to say though. hais. sudden feeling of sadness. sudden feeling of jealousy. y will this thing happen? maybe its becos my love for ya aint strong enuff bahs. thats y. or am i that irritating to everyone? am i such bad person? that i failed in everything that relates to love? is that so? i tink the problem lies with me. ya. juz me. forget it. i aint fit to love. i cant let the gerl i lyk to love me the same way i do. yeah. i'm juz tt sucky. hais... nites all..

darkside illusions 2:20 AM

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curse me.. for i sucks..


ok. today was kinda fine i gues.. woke up at 11.30 today. was kinda tired cos i played gb till 5 hrs b4. hahas. i go back gb ler. any1 wants to join? hee. bud i muz force myself not to be addicted to it. studies first... hee. bud i hope i can. muz control. yet something is taking over me. something.. called.. love? hais. f*** it. i can feel the temperament burning inside me. i can feel the heat. the anger. the jealousy. yet i'm trained to ren since years ago. i really dunno.

went to ps to meet blur pig and chelles meii. so long no go out with those two xiao mei mei ler. lols. no change cept blur pig with short hair. hahas. both look gre8 shape and chio to me still hee. monkey kor love ya two k? hee.. yeah. andy joined us too. watch cursed together. was kinda a horror story. aint a ghost story or smthing. hmmm. blur pig and chelles meii so tan xiao one. keep hiding behind the their hands. hahas. bud the show was kinda alright la. 4 outta 5 bites. =))

after that went to play drums and guitar in da arcade. hahas. helped xiang pass funky sonic world. pulling him up on the guitar side. hahas. yeah. thats about all i guess. nth much more to say though. hais. sudden feeling of sadness. sudden feeling of jealousy. y will this thing happen? maybe its becos my love for ya aint strong enuff bahs. thats y. or am i that irritating to everyone? am i such bad person? that i failed in everything that relates to love? is that so? i tink the problem lies with me. ya. juz me. forget it. i aint fit to love. i cant let the gerl i lyk to love me the same way i do. yeah. i'm juz tt sucky. hais... nites all..

darkside illusions 2:20 AM

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Saturday, June 11, 2005

save me from this sad world..


ok time to blog. cannot slack ler. projects are all piling in day by day. bud i'm slacking. thinking of useless things. i shoulda be thinking of that now.. not now. exams are coming. projects are piling in. i nid to concentrate. bud y is this on my mind? y is the thing still revolving in my head? i need the antidode. i need somthing. there's something missing in my world now. is it love? i dunno. i need a motivation. motivation from anything. may it be objects, humans, love, it, trees, cow, buildings wadeva. i nid to find that motivation. bud in my mind there's juz one thing to push me on forward more. YOU! yes. thats you. when will ya noe? hais. i really need you now. i need you to be by my side. we will be studying together. having sweet lil moments. thats love i always wanted. couples studying together. playing games together. lyk pool. or wad.. go chill out at the beach in da nite together. sitting together. juz silence. look into each other eyes. let the love do the talking. looking at stars. having real romantic moments. feeding each other. awww. how i wish all these can come true. yet i cant find this story of mine. clinging on to something that seems so far. wad have i done? i dun even noe. all i noe was. u took my heart away. T.T and now someone is all on your words. and here i am. doing nth lyk i can. something swept passed me. kinda blurred. budden its juz jealousy. yeah. i tink thats it.

yeah. thats abt all. i really cant stand it. sometimes i tink. y muz i be lyk that? how come i juz cannot be a normal guy. i feel a monster in me. waiting to unleash the terror within. yet the angel side of me forbade this awful deed. all i can do is wait. wait for the sun to rise from the west. that's when my miracle will come true. its something that will never i guess. sometimes i juz wish to black out for 1 year. and when i wake up i know none of my friends. i wan remake my friends. i want to get that perfect ending to my story this time. gib me the power. oh lord give me the strength within. its so hard. yet i know. i'm just not good enuff for ya. when u want something fate doesn't put u with it. yet they purposely put some other things close. i'm born to suffer. my past hurts. the present hurts. the future looks lyk a black hole. no lights coming out. how i wish my past was successful. i need not think so much now. sometimes i do regret wad i do bud wad so ever. i submit myself to fate. bud luckily i met great peeps in my poly life. nic, josh, wayne, sandy jie, camel, melody, so many great peeps. my lecturers treat me well and i talked arnd lyk friends with them. maybe i should juz be contented with wad i had and shoulda ask for more. hais. sad... real real sad. if only. so many if. sad.. real sad...

ps: sandy jie thanks for toking to me. ya really a great jie to me though u treat wo liddat. =x love ya lots. =)) i needed someone to tok to real bad. to pour things out. and u were there for me. xie xie. ^^ i feel kinda better bud not real good. still kinda sad.. hais.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I walk a lonely road
The only one I that have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

(Chorus)
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And were I walk alone

Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and every things all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

*Chorus*

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a..

*Chorus*

darkside illusions 3:16 AM

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Friday, June 10, 2005

1, 2, 3 DB WOOSH!


oh well. today no pics. bud actually there are de.. juz that josh cam dunno y cannot send. aww. today was kinda good. maybe the only bad thing is nv see dao her bahs. hahas. ok. scold me dumb. wadeva. bud this thingy is kinda getting outta hand. hahas. when will i finally do it? when will u finally noe? ya. thats kinda everything. oh yeah. today digim was ok ok lahs. veri slack de. in class watch video, listen songs, hand in work den off we go taking photos. was wondering hu will take photos sia. ok la. thats me. =P ended up only taking 2 pictures cos really cant find anything that can be taken with style. nice photography. so went so sit at the places beside da mobile canteen and talked with nic. hahas. den sandy jie came and joined. chatted really alot. bud ended up treating those two cakes! hahas. better den nth rite? hahas. heard she went play bball. budden i got DB training. hahas. today was quite ok only la. hahas. went rowing in bedok reservoir. 40 pull ups, 2.4km run and 20 pumping. pumping was punishmenet though. alright la. i dunno y i juz cant go up the pull up today. den juz a little touch of my waist and off i go pulling. wads wrong? grr. in nid of a training programme i guess. hahas.

walked with nic to the bus stop took 23 together. chatted real alot again. hahas. i tink he'll be one of my best fren u see. and he's kinda good! though not as cute and yandao as me. =P wahahahas! bud he's really nice. joking abt with me. standing my nonsense in school. oh yeah. toked abt nic. today we saw zhen ying. and den the last time zhen ying beat him cos he nv say hi to her. lyk dao her. hahas. today nic go tap her and say hi guess wad? xD she shouted at the top of her voice that the whole stretch of AS and IT student can hear. "NICHOLAS! WEI SHE ME NI POKE WO! *we ran away* "NICHOLAS NI GEI WO ZHAN ZHU! BU YAO PAO!" hahas! so damm funnie lor. u look at nic face change! lols. "kuai dian pao kuai dian pao. eeyeer.. lols!" ok la. that somes up my day.. have not started on my projects cept a little on prsp. wonder wad am i going to do sia. T.T DB physical test coming ler. oso nid to train up more. hais. fail = go out 95% de.. ya.. muz pass sia. frm the actual 100+ ppl hu join now left 60 ler. imagine the toughness of the training ma? hahas. yeah. good luck to the seniors this sat. JIA YOU! hee. lols!

yeah. came home did some tings, ate noodles den wan do project de. in da end went for a nap den ask melody wake me up at 12.30. hahas. she called me and chatted. was kinda lyk uh ya. hee. ya hee. dunno wad to say those kind. den i said. ya. i wake up le. erh.. hahas. ya. ok la. chat with ya on msn. =x guess wad. POMP! i slept again. straight till 3.30 den wake up. woops. sorry ppl. hahas. told u all 12.30. hahas. so now here i am. blogging away. hahas! chills! sorry for this long post. hahas. argh. y cant i juz chatted more? *grr* chance sia. hahas. its ok. confused confused. nbm... nites ppl. tata..

day be day
the time passes me by
here i am standing
in the crowd of millions
everything seems to be in a flash
passing so fast that i cant even see where's where
sometimes i just hope fate would take me away
to where i should actually belong
a world where love is always there
where someone can love me

take my hand
show me the way
bring me to your place called heaven
lead me to your heart
open up my eyes
love me like what love should be

deep down inside i do
the past is a memory
the present is the love
the future is us
i really want to leave this world i'm in now
to join you in your world
hold me,
forsake the world
lets walk down this road together

crying out loud
trying to call you back into my arms
yet the back view seems smaller every passing seconds
leaving me in a pile of ash
with my blood and tears
come back to me
i want to be your boo
open up your heart
let me enter
show me what is called true love
for i believe in our future

my path is chosen, my destiny is here, fate...
let us meet..

darkside illusions 4:43 AM

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Thursday, June 09, 2005

PICTURES!


ok more pictures for me! xD oh yeah. today was studying day again. chiong everything. this week hmwk left 10 fleeting moment shots and is due tml. >.< gosh. my d cam aint good enuff to adjust wad shuttle and everything de. how ah? die ler.. hahas. yeah. poly life kinda tough too. not as slack as wad most ppl said to be. gosh.. juz finished a Visual Lit hmwk. which took me 3 hrs juz to paint it sia.. lols. and the drawing took me 2 hrs. >.< total for this hmwk takes 5 hrs. argh. muz try to do faster ler. lols. too slow.. yeah. today was kinda nice. i was hyper all day long. noisy in class, noisy in lecture. hahas. was singing whenever i can. =P

ok wadeva. i finally took the step. i said it out with pride and courage ler. i aint have no regrets. yeah. i finally did it. cant believe. bud it aint wad i hoping for. was kinda disappointing. bud wadeva. hu cares you see? aint no one cares abt me. argh. nbm. was feeling real dumb saying it. yet i feel happy abt it. aint pinning my hopes high too. bud at least i'm not rejected? hahas. no lahs. time is the key factor i guess. and is all back to the game role i'm all familar with.. waiting. yeah. thats it...

my path is chose. my destiny is here. fate, let us meet...


thats my comp mouse fer ya. xD





acting russell peters saying "NOOO!!"





the art piece that took me 5hrs. >.<





nicholas meal yesterday. SALAD BAR!





me and nic promoting SALAD BAR! xD





shark eating egg. =P





toungues out! whahas!





me and wayne! aww! bros sia!





me, wayne and nic! bros too!





tatas guys. nites. eyes hurting frm the stare of my art. hahas. pray for my miracle bahs..

darkside illusions 3:06 AM

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Wednesday, June 08, 2005

ok. today aint blogging. juz so happy i took lotsa pics. enjoy them guys! hahas! now most pics will be posted on another blog ler.. so click da link to go there k? hee. i'll link it up below. its a class webby i made. good rite? hahas. bud it have pic of quite many different kinds. so take a look yeah? chills guys. hahas! today stayed in school till kinda late... to chiong my work. half done ler. so happy. hahas. yeah. aint saying much today. was tired. slept in god mama lesson. hahas. tts abt all. xD some pics for u guys to see. xD

my lappy desktop. =))


my pink band!


wads wrong with me mans. xD


ciaos. hey mel babe. dun sad k? i'm here. =))

oh yeah. to c116 peeps. there's a new webby for our class. go there often k? press this link. =D

class blog! tag it!

darkside illusions 1:53 AM

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Tuesday, June 07, 2005

2nd blog entry..


ya. was feeling kinda bored so blog for da 2nd time today. argh. wad am i doing? not doing my work? i've slacked for a day ler! cannot liddat! SOMEONE MOTIVATE ME! I NEED YOU! yeah.. time really pass in a blur. its da 3rd week alreadi.. how fast can it gets? i can still remember the times we were still together.. shyness overwhelming us. sitting in da bus. sending ya home all these. was kinda nice the feeling though ya have the phobia of ya noe wad. yet see it now? its been lyk 4 months since we went our ways. i guess now there's no more room for repetition. it took me 4 months. the whole of 4 months to start put things down. to tell myself since you made this decision there's no turning back for me. you added no. there wont be a next time to confirm everything. since den it ended.. really ended. i was sad. real dejected from this world. thinking of everything i can do to take you off my mind den. drumming all the way frm morning till nite. throwing away my every emotions. yet it took me so long to let it go..

hais. life went into a new phrase. i wanna try to treat every other ger juz lyk u.. love them the way i loved you in da past. showering you with lotsa love. yet i dinda treasure the times we had. i let go chance after chances. hais. now i dowan repeat my mistakes ler. u have taught me alot of lessons. u show me where my mistakes more. though i sometimes will still miss the times together bud i noe its impossible again. i nid to move on and i hope i will. heaven gave me another choice. and sk dao sao gave me another. i have 2 paths to choose now. yet all seems dark and leads to nowhere. i am confused. a lil cute boi lost in this big big world. take my hand, bring me to your world. i'll walk with ya till the end of the time...

The power of love is a curious thing
make a one man weep, make another man sing
Change a hawk to a little white dove
more than a feeling - that's the power of love

You don't need money, don't take fame
Don't need no credit card to ride this train
It's strong and it's sudden and it's cruel sometimes
but it might just save your life
That's the power of love

darkside illusions 1:05 AM

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Monday, June 06, 2005

love..


hais... love sucks. really. somethings juz arnt meant to be. today nv go DB training. cos y? everyone nv go. so stay in school library do things. hahas. its ok. nbm. yeah. missed dragon boat. awww. my hair colour is screwed up! argh. bud its ok too. i've learn to take things not so heavily ler. yet i juz dunno y i cant do that to love. maybe u may say i despo for love or smth. bud that's me. scorpio needs love. hais. im juz waiting. yet u dun come. y? out paths juz missed again? i dunno y.. lots homework coming out and i'm gonna do them all.

hahas. dunno la. hope i can have things go my way soon again.. i hope. wish me luck. *cross fingers* yeah. thats a pic i want u guys to compare. see whether u gib how many percent look alike. xD


yeah. its joline on the left and jwei on the right? i have different views le. hahas. wads urs? hmm. tell me k? yeah. loving you~~

oh yeah. kinda proud of my class though. frm one of the seperated and AS class, we became one of the most united class. hahas. rrly love these dudes and babes alot. hahas. yeah. now i pondering over somethings. sk dao sao.. thanks for those words. i'll bear that in mind de. bud its always the one i love so deeply dat i cant be with. hais. wonder y too. izzit rrly that hard? i dunno. somethings aren't meant to be said afterall. if only i have the power. hais. i dunno wad to do. u intro my J. yet my heart is with M. u want me to move on. bud i dunno how. hope so bahs. aint putting my hopes high on both too. i aint a flirt too. i juz want to feel real love for the first time. i want to be taken away to a world where there is juz me and that girl. hais. i'm so sad.. real sad... oh yeah. 2 pics of me today. =) courtesy to miss hilda. thanks lots babe! you rock my fock! xD

ok thats me trying to promote how good salad bar food is. =P


and here is my being the cute way i am and even cuter with nic thick black frame specs on. xD


Angels by Robbie William
I sit and wait
Does an angel contemplate my fate
And do they know
The places where we go
When we're grey and old
'Cos I've been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I'm lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel that love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

When I'm feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know I'll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

darkside illusions 8:26 PM

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juz a sunday..


oh well. today went for drum lesson. hahas. was kinda cool today. finally we started jamming a song. and its called erh... was kinda cool. xD though it was simple. budden the hard part is counting. xD after that went to play drums. den went for lunch/dinner. guess wad we ate? u noe it. xD NOODLE OMELETE! *drools* lols! wahahas! stayed in ps till 7+ or izzit 8? hahas. played guitar and drums. yeah. went home moved some furniture in my room, dyed my hair red. and its still not obvious. *grudes* den chatted on msn ler. wahahas. sk intro me this gerl. say i muz move on blah blah. her name is jin wei. bud she changed it to jwei pronounced as juay. >.< lols! so hao xiao. ya. chatted with my class peeps, with jwei, sk, wayne and many more. hahas. tink i muz really start on my projects ler. yays! staying back in school with my best friends in tp to finish up our work. so happy sia! hahas. yeah.. thats abt all today. gosh. i aint in da mood to blog. so yeah. tatas... see whether i can add anything today bahs.. hmm. wonder y my song is not working. T.T till den. baibai! oh yeah heard that camel de xiao mao mao died ler. so sad. hais. dun be too sad k camel? =)) cheer up. hee..

Sunshine

When I wake up in the morning
Sunshine's falling on my skin
And I call you up to tell you
What a happy mood I'm in

Feel the rhythm in my body
And sing is all I wanna do
I feel the day will bring me sunshine
for it's another day with you

by Nikki Daniels

I Love You

Just three little words
don't seem like enough
for someone who's smile
still brightens my day,
who's touch can make me forget
the rest of the world.

They don't seem like enough
for someone who's always been there
to celebrate with me
when everything goes my way
and to hold my hand
when my whole world
seems to fall apart.

But even though "I Love You"
can't express the depth
of my feelings for you.
I hope you know what's in my heart.
Because loving you
means more to me
than anything in the world
and it always will.

by Anonymous

darkside illusions 1:15 AM

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Sunday, June 05, 2005

dm gathering..


love is aint that good. i need love. thats my character. bud no matter how hard i go and search for it, it never comes.. i waited and waited. waiting for that day when a gerl hu is true to me will come by.. bud they nv came. some came and left as quickly as it came. not even fast enuff for me to make an impact. yet i sit here. loyally and truthfully at the gates of love. hoping for it to come. bud to my disappointment, i was shun to one side. un-loved by all. waiting for that gerl to come by and bring me to her world. let me feel true love for the veri first time. make me feel indifferent. make me feel that in this world i'm not lonely afterall. take my hand. hold me close. i juz wanna feel real love. hais. yet all these seems to be juz a illusion. somethings arent meant to be said and be afterall. if only i am much of a better guy den others. hais...

yeah. today was dm gathering at ps. made my way there. lotsa peeps. pro and damm pro. lousy is lyk shit. i'm middle. =p ya. played lyk mad today. still cannot pass funky sonic world advance. argh. xD muz try harded. yeah. today oso noe something ler. bud aint gotta say. cos its bad. hais.. suan ler. you yuan cai lai... hais.. yeah. so today juz liddat. bought a slipper since everyone have been stepping on mine for the past week. bought a little smaller though. =P yeah.. nth much too. tot of smth to blog. budden i forget again. hahas. well its ok. yeah! sandy is my jie jie! she cant believe it too either. =P love her to bits and pieces though she treat me bad and keep say i act cute. hahas. bad bad her. >.< since sandy jie have this mini quiz on her blog. i will put it here for u ppl to judge too. hahas. see hu winner hors jie. xD yeah. nites guys.

sandy jie lai de. cute mehs? xD


me! vote for me! hahas!


enjoy. tell me pls. show sandy jie wrong. wahahas!

darkside illusions 2:25 AM

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Saturday, June 04, 2005

c116 ROCKS!


oh yeah. today was really a cool day. yeps. met josh in da morning go play pool in student loungue. ok. nic couldnt come. melody say she come late. carel want come with melody. so in da end all nv come. =x as it was full there. me and josh went to k pool and play. was kinda fun playing with him. so long no play ler. hand rusty liaos. hahas. yeah. josh gf came to find us later on. den we went jack's place for luchie! ^^ the student meal one. 6.50++ hahas. ate till kinda full den headed back to school. lols. met wayne, melody all on da way. hahas. so hao xiao de. yeah. den go lab. today was fun. visual literacy. hahas. went up to comp lab to gather info abt wad shld we do for today's assignment. our theme is contrast. yeah.

so my grp we went on doing. i taken a pic of it on my d cam. will upload. =)) look out for it below the story. hahas. took lotsa pictures today. lols. will post all up. hahas. i went crazy in class today. muahahas! bud tts juz me. trying to unite the whole class ma. whahas. was kinda cool. went home straight after school. alone - gosh. josh accompany his gd. nic went for dinner with the argon ppl. so left me alone. lonely, im mr lonely. hahas. yeah. went home went to cut my hair. stupid sandy jie say not nice when all others say nice ma. xD jie, u bad taste sia. wahahas! yep. about all. oh yeah. i dyed by hair oinky brown. bud wonder y lyk so no colour come out de. T.T maybe becos my hair too good quality and is too black ler. tts wad the hair dresser says de. lols. =p ok. upload all the pics now. ok maybe later. eat noodles first. =P look out for them below. =))

The most touching story i heard..
my mom only had one eye.
i hated her... she was such an
embarressment..
my mom ran a small shop at a flea market.
she collected little weeds and such to
sell...
anything for the money we needed
she was such an embarressment.
there was this one day during elementary
school..
it was field day, and my mom came.
i was so embarressed. how could she do
this to
me? i threw her a hateful look and ran out.

the next day at school...
"your mom only has one eye?!?!" ..and
they
taunted me.
i wished that my mom would just
dissappear from
this world
so i said to my mom,
"mom.. why dont you have the other eye?!
if you're only gonna make me a
laughingstock,
why dont you just die?!!!"
my mom did not respond..
i guess i felt a little bad, but at the same
time, it
felt good to think that i had said what i'd
wanted to
say all this time..
maybe it was because my mom hadnt
punished
me,
but i didnt think that i had hurt her
feelings very
badly.

that night...
i woke up, and went to the kitchen to get
a glass
of water.
my mom was crying there, so quietly, as if
she
was afraid that she might wake me.
i took a look at her, then turned away.
because of the thing i had said to her
earlier, there
was something pinching at me in the
corner of my
heart.
even so, i hated my mother who was
crying out of
her one eye. so i told myself that i would
grow up
and become successful.
cause i hated my one-eyed mom and our
desperate poverty..

then i studied real hard.
i left my mother and came to Seoul and
studied,
and got accepted in the Seoul University
with all
the confidence i had.

then, i got married.
i bought a house of my own.
then i had kids, too..
now i'm living happily as a successful
man.
i like it here because it's a place that
doesnt
remind me of my mom.

this happiness was getting bigger and
bigger,
when..

what?!
who's this?!
...it was my mother...
..still with her one eye.
it felt as if the whole sky was falling apart
on me.
my little girl ran away, scared of my
mom's eye.
and i asked her,

"who are you?!"
"i dont know you!!!" as if trying to make
that real. i
screamed at her," how dare you come to
my
house and scare my daughter!"


"GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!"

and to this, my mother quietly answered,
"oh, i'm so sorry. i may have gotten the
wrong
address,"
and she dissappeared out of sight.


thank good ness... she doesnt recognize
me..
i was quite relieved.

i told myself that i wasnt going to care, or
think
about this for the rest of my life.
then a wave of relief came upon me...

one day, a letter regarding a school
reunion came
to my house. so, lying to my wife that i
was going
on a business trip, i went.
after the reunion, i went down to the old
shack,
that i used to call a house...just out of
curiosity

there, i found my mother fallen on the
cold ground.
but i did not shed a single tear.
she had a piece of paper in her hand.... it
was a
letter to me.

my son...
i think my life has been long enough now..

and... i wont visit Seoul anymore...
but would it be too much to ask if i
wanted you to
come visit me once in a while?
i miss you so much.. and i was so glad
when i
heard you were coming for the reunion.
but i decided not to go to the school.
...for you...
and i'm sorry that i only have one eye,
and i was
an embarressment for you.

you see, when you were very little, you
got into
an
accident, and lost your eye. as a mom, i
couldnt
stand watching you having to grow up
with only
one eye... so i gave you mine...
i was so proud of my son that was seeing a
whole
new world for me, in my place, with that
eye. i
was
never upset at you for anything you did..
the
couple times that you were angry with
me,.. i
thought to myself, 'it's because he loves
me..'

my son... oh, my son...

josh gf. +D


one of da best pic today. =))


nicholas in b l u r. xD


our work done in 30 minutes


nicholas.. i'm cuming. xD


best buds of mine here. nic and josh!


haikal acting gay. wan kiss nic. xD


see myself thru the reflection of the projector mirror. a cute guy found. =P


wacha looking at!


me lying on table during lab lesson. xD


joshie!


azri the cat acting cute. =p *meow*


bros till the end. me and nic! how cute can i go? =P


my new hair style after the cut. lols. love it! sandy jie u lousy eyesight. =P


rrly had a great time sia. love you guys loads! thanks for being my fren. =)) c116 for life. ^^

darkside illusions 1:23 AM

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Simply Me~!

:: Single
:: Enjoy being with true friends
:: Drums and Guitar
:: Believe in love at first sight

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wan ling - wei hwang - wei ting - yeeping - yi xian - yolane - yuan ting - yvonne - yvonne [Milk] -
zhen ru -

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